Five Years
by Living in a fantasy
Summary: “I like you! I like you and all you do is go on about L and leaving to be the best and I get it, okay? But I still like you and I can’t change that!” He’s liked Mello for years but it’s finally this Valentine’s Day that brings his emotions to the surface.


**AN: I have a Valentine's Day story for you all! There's less actually Valentine's Day stuff than I imagined but I wrote a fluff overload vday fic last year. Hope you will all enjoy it!**

/…/…/…/

It was Valentine's Day. This day may mean a lot to love struck couples and dreamy girls, but the holiday had very little meaning at Wammy House. Several girls in the orphanage seemed excited, hoping for some type of romantic endeavor. All in all thought, the students remained focused on their studies.

Fifteen year old Mello was doing just that. He sat at his desk, textbook open and notebook beside him. Matt, in comparison, was lying on his bed playing his new DS Lite.

He knew that soon Mello would want to take a break and go to the kitchens. L wandered down there at random times to get sweets. Even L needed to get out of his room, and he'd been staying at Wammy house ever since he had solved the Kira case several months ago.

Mello worshipped L, and much to Matt's annoyance it had grown worse after L caught Kira. Since then, Mello had started studying even harder. L had announced that he was choosing his successor within the year which had sent the orphanage into a frenzy. Matt didn't know why anyone bothered…it was obvious that Near or Mello were going to get it.

Mello wasn't trying to suck up to L like several other students, who tried to bribe L with candy and other sweets. This did not mean that Mello hadn't been taking every opportunity he could do see L. For Matt, it was getting rather annoying.

Another hour passed before Mello announced that he needed a break. He slammed his book shut and stood, glancing at Matt who stood and followed him out the door without looking up from his game.

Matt couldn't stand Mello's obsession with L. L was a big part of the reason why Mello was always so miserable. Of course it was Near who was ahead, and only Near that Mello blamed. Mello hated Near for always being better than him.

But it was all because of L that Mello was competing in the first place. L and Watari were the ones making this competition. L was the real reason that Mello felt so inadequate and Mello worshipped him like he was the greatest person to ever fucking exist.

Where had L been when Mello lost to Near and needed someone? Where was L when Mello had been in the infirmary with pneumonia? Where was L the numerous times Mello passed out while studying, trying to be just a little bit better, studying a little bit longer so he could finally beat Near?

L wasn't there. _Matt_ was there. Matt was the one comforting him and taking care of him and dragging him to bed when he worked too hard. It was never L…L probably didn't even realize what was going on. It wasn't right that Mello should worship L of all people.

Matt had realized a while ago that these feelings went beyond anger at L for hurting his best friend. He wasn't in denial; he knew that he felt _something_ for the blond. He couldn't say what it was exactly…just that it…_was._ It was there and it was beyond friendship or some type of brotherhood forged because of their messed up past and trust issues. It was something else, something much deeper than that.

It had been weird for him at first. It had taken a while to come to terms with everything, like the fact that he liked the thought of simply being held or kissed by another boy. He'd never given much thought to his sexuality but he'd still always assumed he would at some point be interested in a girl, even if he was too much of a reclusive gamer to actually get her.

But no, he had to go and complicate his life further by falling for another guy, and not just another guy, his best friend.

His best friend who happened to be obsessed with _another_ guy, thought honestly Matt wasn't sure of the context of the admiration. Regardless, it was upsetting, particularly now. Now that L was around, Mello talked about him a lot more, not to mention Matt's feelings had only grown stronger. He couldn't say exactly how long he'd had these feelings for Mello…one year, two, five, it was hard to tell. He'd been focused on only Mello for so much of his life that he didn't know when those feelings had started to change.

"Hello L."

Matt allowed his eyes drift up to meet the wide blank ones of L then looked back down at his game, mashing buttons with a bit more fervor.

"Good afternoon Mello, Matt."

Matt said nothing, simply following Mello to the counter and sitting at one of the few chairs that were placed there. He noted the pile of Valentine sweets that were sitting beside L, obvious signs of more children trying to subtly bribe him.

"Did you receive these from other students L?" Mello asked, looking enviously at all the chocolates in the pile.

"Yes. It would be rude to not accept their presents, but they in no way impact the rank of the student who gave them to me." L did not look up from the box of chocolates he was unwrapping. He pulled off the lid and glanced inside, selecting a chocolate and placing it in his mouth. "Regardless they are quite delicious."

Mello nodded in agreement and Matt rolled his eyes. He'd seen Mello eat an alarming amount of chocolate on Easter several years ago and it had put him off chocolate a bit. Mello ate so much that it made Matt feel slightly ill to think about. He wasn't sure if Mello had always loved chocolate or if it had developed from the knowledge that L loved sweets.

The two fell into a debate about the best type of filling for a chocolate and Matt tuned them out, turning his full attention back to his game.

"I still prefer my chocolate pure, without any other substances tainting it," Mello stated.

"The fillings add a substantial amount of flavor to the chocolate," L argued.

"It ruins the integrity of the chocolate."

"That is certainly not true."

"Not all filling is bad, but there are too many strange pastes that just ruin it. I don't like those."

L slid forward the box of chocolates he had slowly been devouring. There were still a few remaining and he stood, gathering his uneaten sweets in his arms. "You may have those, I know you enjoy chocolate. Try the ones with the fillings so you can experience their wonderful taste." He shuffled out of the room without another word, Mello managing a breathless thank you just as he exited.

Mello stared at the chocolates for a moment then turned to Matt. "Matt! L gave me chocolates…L gave me his own chocolates!"

"That's great Mels," Matt muttered without interest, pushing the buttons slightly harder.

"He was given these! They were a gift to him and he passed them along to me!"

"Uh huh," Matt mumbled.

"Matt," Mello said impatiently. "Are you not grasping the situation here? L gave me these chocolates! _L_!" he screeched, as if Matt had not been sitting in the room with the man just a few minutes ago. "I can't believe that L would actually give me his own chocolate. It's huge! I mean this is L, Matt. The man who defeated Kira! The person I'm trying to become!"

"Yes Mello I am fully aware of who L is," Matt said flatly.

"He's just so amazing," Mello said, staring into space. "He solves the biggest crimes that no one else can. Everyone wants him…they need him to solve the hardest cases in the world. He's the best out there and he personally acknowledges me…he actually knows who I am!" Matt looked up at that but Mello wasn't paying attention to him anymore. "Not only does he know who I am, but he's considering naming me his successor. On top of that he shared his chocolate with me. He loves those sweets and for him to give me that much attention is just amazing."

"It's just chocolate."

Mello turned and glared at him. "It's not just chocolate, it's L's chocolate."

Matt scoffed. "He didn't even pay for it. I buy you chocolate on a regular basis! I don't see you getting worked up when I buy you a bar when we're in town because you forgot to bring your money with you."

"That's because you're not L, Matt."

Matt turned back to his game. "Whatever," he muttered, trying to brush off the sting from the words.

Matt knew he couldn't compare with L. he wasn't as intelligent as him, and certainly not as successful. L had solved cases all over the world and was truly a man of justice while he was just a gamer. He didn't have the deductive skills that L had, or any experience. His expertise was with technology, and though he was certainly more than proficient in all subjects he attempted, he wasn't up to par with Mello on many of them. Surely Mello would strive for the best in every aspect of his life, not mere third.

"He's so dedicated," Mello continued. Matt briefly wondered if it was possible for Mello to just shut up about L or being the best for once, but at the moment it didn't seem like it. "He doesn't sleep because there are better things he could do with his time. Near never does that, but I do, don't I Matt?" Mello asked, looking at Matt once more. "I'm a much better match than Near. I know he has better marks but still, I have that dedication. L has to admire that right? I just want him to choose me so badly."

"You don't need him to tell you you're the best."

"Yes I do! I want him to! I need him to! I know you don't give a shit but this has been my dream for years! L is all I've ever wanted!" Mello was glaring again. "I've worked for ages to catch his attention like this!"

"I just don't know why you want his attention so much," Matt said sourly, looking back to his game just so he could avoid Mello's eyes.

Mello seemed to be speechless for a moment and he stared at Matt as if he were stupid. "Were you not just listening to me? He's the best Matt! The best is noticing me! I've wanted L to notice me for years and it's finally happening! Why are you being so weird about this? You don't even care so why can't you just be happy for me?"

Matt shoved the chair away from the counter and stood. "I am. L is interested in you, awesome. Everything is great and your life is complete. Whatever, I'm going back to our room."

He tried to rush past but Mello stood too, blocking his path. "What the fuck is your problem?" he asked, scowling.

"Nothing. I don't have a problem. Just eat your L blessed chocolates and leave me alone." Matt kept his eyes averted towards the floor and tried to push past. Mello shoved him back and Matt scowled now too.

"Why do you suddenly have a problem with this? What, do you suddenly care about L?"

"No!"

"Well then there's no reason for you to act like this! Do you want Near to get it? You want me to stay here with you in the safe orphanage while Near goes off and saves the world? Well fuck you Matt! I'm not holding myself back just because you want me to stay! I'm not giving up on-"

Matt didn't want to hear any more of it and finally shoved past him and rushed towards their room. He knew he wasn't a good enough reason for Mello to stay. He knew L was better than him and that he wasn't smart enough but it hurt so much more to actually hear it from Mello.

Matt slammed the door shut behind him and threw himself onto his bed. His goggles dug painfully into the skin around his eyes so he pulled them off, throwing them harshly across the room where they hit the wall with a loud crack.

It just hurt so much…the way he talked about L, how he had no regrets about leaving him behind…it was too much. He just wasn't _good_ enough for Mello, the same way Mello wasn't good enough to be L's successor. It wasn't fair to either of them but it was the truth. Near was just a little too smart for Mello to overcome…Mello would probably never overcome him. Matt knew it was the same for him. He would never be good enough for Mello. Mello cared too much for L, and too much about being the best. Matt knew he couldn't compete with that. Mello had pretty much just told him so.

He felt moisture in the corner of his eyes and wiped them roughly in frustration. He was not going to fucking cry about this. He had realized all of this a long time ago. He'd always known Mello was never going to be his. Mello had belonged to L the moment he had started here.

Matt closed his eyes tightly, trying in vain to push the traitorous tears back. He was swiping at a couple more that were swiftly descending down his cheeks when the door to their room burst open.

He didn't even have time to finish wiping his eyes or turn away. Mello was staring right at him, though the anger had seemed to fade the moment he opened the door. Not knowing what else to do, Matt rolled in the other direction so he was facing the wall. He heard Mello's soft footsteps come closer but tried to ignore him.

"Matt? Why are you crying? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said.

"Bullshit," Mello snapped. "Come on, it was something I said right? What is it?"

"I told you, it's nothing."

"Was it the whole me leaving thing? You know I'm not just going to abandon you or anything. Come on," he said, voice almost gentle now. "Don't cry over some stupid thing I said. What was so bad that could make you this upset?"

Finally Matt snapped, turning around to glare up at Mello. "I like you! I like you and all you do is go on about L and leaving to be the best and I get it, okay? But I still like you and I can't change that!" He stared up at Mello's shocked face and rolled over again so his back was facing him. "Just go away," he whispered.

Suddenly there were hands on his shoulder, turning him back towards Mello. "Hey!" Matt avoided his eyes, keeping his eyes trained away from Mello. "Look at me!" Mello yelled. Matt flinched slightly and finally looked up, meeting Mello's eyes. The blond just watched him for a moment before speaking. "You're so fucking stupid!"

"What?" Matt stared at him blankly.

"How could you…you didn't…you're so stupid!" Mello finally yelled again. He squeezed Matt's shoulders hard to emphasize his point.

"Mello, please," Matt said quietly, struggling slightly to pull away from Mello.

"I like you too you _idiot_!"

Matt froze. "You…you what?"

"Why do you think I would spend all of my chocolate money to get you a DS Lite for your birthday? Why do you think I beat up any guy who even looks at you the wrong way?" Mello asked, voice rising.

"Y-you're a good friend?"

"Why do you think I scare off any girl that comes near you?!"

"You're…possessive? I-"

"Why would I buy a valentine for my best friend?" Mello interrupted.

"What?" Matt felt like he was asking that a lot today.

Mello stood from where he'd been kneeling on the bed and went into his closet. He rummaged around in it for several moments before emerging with a box. Matt sat up and watched as Mello dropped it to the bed in front of him. "These are the Valentine gifts I've been buying you for five years."

Inside the box were several boxes of heart shaped chocolates, a couple regular boxes of chocolate, and even a homemade valentine as well as what looked like a letter. Matt was shocked. He looked through the gifts slowly before finally looking back up at Mello. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why didn't _you_ say anything?" Mello asked defensively.

"I was scared," Matt said quietly.

Mello was silent for a moment, looking insecure for the first time. "I was too," he admitted.

Silence. Mello sat down on the bed besides Matt. The redhead was watching him now, and Mello shifted so he was facing him fully. He reached out and tilted Matt's head towards his. Matt complied and slowly their lips met.

The kiss was like hope and acceptance. It was like trust and love and so many wonderful things mixed together. It was perfect.

Matt leaned closer and Mello wrapped his arms around him, drawing him near. A few seconds later they separated, slowly. They both smiled and Matt leaned forward, resting his head against Mello's shoulder and relaxing into Mello's embrace. He felt Mello's lips against his hair as Mello pulled him closer.

"So L?" he asked slowly.

"I still want to be the best. L is the best there is, you know that. I admire him I don't like him you dumbass."

Matt smiled and relaxed, wrapping his own arms around Mello. Both of them were quiet for a few long minutes before Matt broke the silence.

"Five years?"

"Shut up."


End file.
